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My Call

Battle of the sexes may be just a matter of perspective

Bill Milligan

Something about being married makes two otherwise intelligent people argue about the dumbest things.

I think it has to do with one's perspective.

My wife took a walk around our subdivision the other day, launching a discussion that reminded me of a comedy segment from "I Love Lucy.''

She's been on me for years to walk with her, but I don't see the need. I walk at least a couple of miles a day during the course of my routine; why would I need to walk for exercise?

From my wife's perspective, I keep her from exercising by refusing to walk with her. From my perspective, baseball on television looks best while reclining on the sofa. I bought a car so I wouldn't have to walk. I quit riding a bicycle after I bought my first car.

Anyway, after my wife returned from her walk, she announced that she wanted me to help her with some plants in her garden. I was fiddling with the stereo and tried my best to ignore her. She informed me that she had spoken with several neighbors on her walk and that a lot of men were out in their yards helping their wives with little "honey-do'' chores.

"None of them seemed too happy about it, but they were out there helping,'' she said. "I want you to help me with these'' something-or-other plants.

I immediately reminded her of the words of a great man who said "wo-men garden, men farm'' and went back to what I was doing.

"They're helping and you're going to help me, too, buddy,'' she said.

Once again, perspective. In the year 2003 apparently it is politically correct for a woman to barge onto a scene and demand horticultural assistance before ascertaining whether a gentleman is standing before the stereo in his underwear preparing to supplant the hum of mowers in the distance with some high-decibel Steely Dan music.

"I'll help you if you want to kill all that stuff out there, otherwise you've got the wrong guy,'' I attempted to reason with her. Still, she insisted that I go into the yard and fiddle with that stuff that's always in the way when you're mowing or trying to climb a ladder.

Women sometimes call men insensitive, but how sensitive is it when you want to make your husband miserable just because other men in the subdivision are suffering through yard work?

I don't understand how women's perspectives can be so out of touch with reality. Lucy, you did it again.

Aye, caramba.

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